My ex-bf and I were together for just over 3 years, and during this time we were really sexually active. Sex is a really big part of my life and we used to 10-12 times a week even though we didn't live together all of the time. For the first two and a half years it was great - we had a strong emotional connection, he knew his way around my body and we were comfortable exploring our desires with each other (we got pretty experimental and even uploaded some videos online - no I won't link them) This meant I came almost every time we had sex.
Making me cum was my his biggest turn on, so whenever i was close I would always let him know so he could push me over the edge. Pretty early on he said he liked the idea of me begging for it when I got close, so he could command me to cum before making me. This was just a fun thing we would do and I didn't pay much attention since we would do it every time.
Six months ago my he went abroad for a couple of weeks, meaning for the first time in over 2 years I was on my own. Because of this I decided i would get myself off until he came back, just like I did when I was single.
But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't cum.
I wasn't that concerned at first, but after a few days I was starting to get worried and by a week in I was a wreak. Sex is really important to me and I live for orgasms so for the whole second week I had bought toys and was trying everything 2-3 hours a day with no luck. when I got close sometimes I would catch myself calling out for permission because I was so used to it.
When he got back I explained it to him but he didn't really believe it - he even said it was kind of hot which really pissed me off.
The first time we fucked after he got back he brought me right to the edge and I asked him to let me cum, but instead of letting me he just said 'only if you swallow my load after'. I don't usually do that so I said no, after which he stopped. I tried to finish myself off but couldn't so I was furious at him. Eventually I gave in and said I'd swallow this once, after which he said I could cum. 30 seconds later I was having my first orgasm in two weeks.
It was the most terrifying moment in my entire life. Both of us realised he had complete control over me.
Over the next 6 months our relationship devolved into me being subservient to him. While i was living with him (3-4 days a week) I was basically free use since if i ever displeased him he would deny me orgasm that week. Whenever he felt like it I would be his cum bucket, he even started taking my ass.
It was very difficult emotionally - all the love I have for him went away and I only stayed because I was worried I wouldn't be able to orgasm again unless I figured it out with him.
towards the end he started uploading our videos and making money from them - again I won't link them here but this is the level of control I was giving him.
Eventually I grew desperate and hooked up with one of his friends while I was upset. When we had sex I asked him permission and he gave it to me - and I could cum! This whole time I thought it was just my ex boyfriend who could let me but it turned out it's any guy.
By a week later I had changed the logins on our account and emptied the account of any money he had made off of me. We haven't spoken since and its meant I've had to cut a few people out of my life since neither of us can really explain the reason why I left so quickly.
I'm still not in great shape, emotionally or sexually. I still need to be with another person - I cant finish myself off, which has led me to do some pretty desperate stuff that I'm not proud of. I'll keep trying and hopefully I'll find a way. I still make some extra income off those videos but I'm not linking any of that on this account.
Feel free to ask any questions, I get that this story isn't much fun but I wanted to vent.
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