First, some backstory. I'm bisexual and my best friend at the time (we're still close but she moved to another state for work) were also friends-with-benefits. We'd occasionally go to this adult store to browse and maybe pick up a toy here and there to try out. This store also had a theater. In like the 60's it was probably a really nice movie theater that probably showed popular movies but I guess as newer theaters came along it just couldn't compete and eventually it turned into a porn shop and began showing porn in the theater. What was once the lobby area became the shop with the theater in the back. By today's standards it's a relatively small theater but today it's about the size of a maybe an art house cinema. One day, my friend and I decide to check it out to see what it's like. We went in and a movie was already in progress (they just show them back to back). We stumbled through the darkness and looked for an empty place to sit and began watching the movie. It was a typical porn movie but it was kind of exciting. After a while, she reached her hand over and began to open my pants and then slid her hand into my panties and began fingering me. It was scary for her to be doing that in a public place but it was also so exhilarating at the same time. I was so nervous someone would see and we'd get kicked out. Once in a while someone would walk up or down the aisle but we were in the middle and they probably couldn't see anything, and no one ever really looked or said anything so she kept going and eventually brought me to climax. We left a little while after that, both agreeing that it was a pretty wild experience. However, afterwards, I kept thinking about it and kept getting turned on, and so when I was bored I began going back to the theater by myself.
At first when I'd be there by myself, I'd find a dark spot away from any others and watch the movies and, after a while, begin to surreptitiously finger myself. God, it was such a rush. After a few times of doing that I began to get bolder and I'd fully open my pants or pull up my skirt, always being careful about who was around and quickly covering myself if someone came by. What I learned, though, is that men did pick up on what I was doing and sometimes a guy would come and sit behind me or sit in the same row as me. In the beginning'd freeze up and stop what I was doing until they left. Once, though, I was caught up in what I was doing and didn't see a guy come and sit in the row until I happened to look over and see him watching me. I quickly stopped and covered up. I was about to get up to leave when he softly said, "It's ok, keep going." That creeped me out and I ignored him, but I didn't leave. By that time I was already really worked up (I'm hyper sexual due to some things that happened when I was younger) and so after a while I calmed down and decided to go back to fingering myself even with the guy still sitting in the same row. It became such a powerful, uncontrollable feeling to be doing that and have some stranger watching me. After some time he got up and I thought he was going to leave but instead he came and sat down right beside me. I was scared but I also so turned on. I kept going and asked him if he wanted to touch me. He reached over and pulled up my top and began feeling my breasts, then he moved his hand down, opened up my pants more and put his hand on my vulva. Electricity shot through me. I pushed my pants down, he pulled down my panties, and I pulled my top up to keep my breasts exposed for him to touch. At that moment I didn't care if people saw us. He gave me two or three orgasms then I thanked him and said I had to go. That began my new routine when I'd go to the theater. I didn't let men touch me every time I went but more often than not- as long as I had a good feeling about them. Once in a while there would be one guy touching me and a few others sitting around us watching. No one ever tried anything and every guy was respectful and stopped when I told him to, so I figured it was a safe way to play and I felt good about myself- I was getting pleasure and men were getting to see and touch my body. I had them wrapped around my finger. What could go wrong?
My rape
It was a Saturday, all my friends were busy, I didn't have anything to do, and I was feeling a little hyper sexual, so I decided to kill some time at the theater. I put on a casual blue dress. It wasn't anything really nice, just a loose fitting, dark blue, knock-around thing that I had worn to the theater a couple times before. It didn't call attention to my body so it didn't look like I was baiting, and it was comfortable hang out in. It was also easy to pull up or down.
I get there around mid-afternoon and the theater is emptier than it typically is when I'd be there (I really only ever saw around 20 people there, at most, whenever I went. I never when when on the more popular nights/times like couples nights or anything), and this day it's pretty sparse. I let my eyes adjust to the darkness and then find a seat around the middle of the theater and chill and start watching the movie. Oh well, probably nothing is going to happen today and I'm not sure I'm in the mood for it anyway. I'll relax for a while and then maybe leave. I give it about 45 minutes and get up and head out into the shop part. I look around, figure I'll go sit in the theater for a bit more. I buy myself a pop from the machine and take it back into the theater. There's a sectioned off area on the side that's probably 15' by 15' that seems to be kind of a standing area. I don't know what it's for but I decide to go check it out. I walk in and after a few steps I feel some stickiness under my feet and take a guess what it's from. I look around and see a small wastebasket in the corner and a roll of paper towels confirming my suspicions of what's on the floor. Gross, but I find it kind of funny. There are three guys standing back here, two middle aged white guys, of which one is average height and build and the other slightly taller and husky, and there's a slightly younger black guy who looks like he's just coming up on middle age. They're just hanging out and don't really pay any attention to me other than giving me a quick glance. I extend the same courtesy and walk up to the front of the area and look out at the movie and the check out the theater interior from this angle. The front wall is like a half wall that comes up to just below my shoulders. I lean on it and rest my arms on the top. There really isn't anyone in the seats. I decide to hang out here for a bit and then maybe take off.
Probably 15 minutes goes by. I'm now watching the movie scene with two girls and a guy. One of the girls is really pretty. I then feel someone standing behind me and turn my head and see the it's the hefty guy. He doesn't look at me and seems to be watching the movie over me. I go back to watching. A couple minutes later I feel his gut ever slow lightly press against my back. I understand what this means and decide that I'll give him leeway and see how it goes. If I don't like it, I'll leave. I stay still and I know he'll take that as a sign that he can proceed, and soon he presses a little more against me. Again, I stand still. A few minutes pass and nothing else happens so I begin to wonder if this is as far as it'll go. Then I feel his hand against my side, like pressed to my side so he's making it clear where his hand is, and I feel him start to hike up my dress. Holy shit, but it's kind of exciting and I know how to handle these situations. I'll let him have a little fun but I know I'm in control, just like all the other times. I feel his other hand on the other side of me, he's using both hands to slowly inch up my dress. He finally gets it above my ass (I'm not wearing panties) and he holds the dress up with one and and caresses my ass with the other. I still don't move or say anything, letting him tread lightly. I can feel myself getting aroused. The black guy then comes and stands next to me so he's on one side, the other guy behind me, and a wall on the other side. He and I make eye contact and then I see him look down to where the guy has my ass exposed. His hand goes to my ass as well and they establish their own territory, one cheek each. Oh, god, this feels good. I keep my head forward and watch the movie. This goes on for a few minutes and then I feel them lift my dress further and the guy behind me runs his hands up my body to my breasts. This is getting about as far as I'm comfortable going so I'll let them do this but if they try anything more, I'll politely tell them no. My dress starts to fall back down as he moves his hand from my breasts down to my vulva. I'm unsure now and I get a little uneasy. His fingers are on my clit and then one finger is inside me. I go to push his hand away but he doesn't move it. I push back a little to try to get his finger out of me and that's when I feel his erect cock against my ass. With the hand that's on my vagina he pulls me closer to him so his dick is pressed right between the top of my crack. I don't know which one does it but my dress is pulled over my head. I can't see what they do with it. I'm now completely naked. Oh my god, this is way too far. I'm freaking out, I need to go, I need to get out of here now! I try to push away but he's holding me now. The guy next to me still has his hands on my body as well. I finally work up the courage to say something and I tell them no! Stop! He's using one of his feet to push my legs open. I try to resist but the floor is slippery where I'm standing and my foot easily scoots outward. Stop it! Stop it! Why am I whispering?? I'm being assaulted! I say it louder Stop!!! No!!! He's got me wrapped up now, one of his big arms is around me, high enough up on me that my arms are dangling and I can't grab him or anything. I swing my hands trying to grab something, trying to land them on something so I can push myself free. He's pulled me away from the walls so there's nothing. Oh my god what is happening?? No!! Please!! Stop! One of his arms goes around me as he pushes me a little forward so I'm slightly leaning. Oh my god, he's trying to put his cock inside me. No!!!!!! I don't want this!! I don't want this!! Stop it! I feel his head against me and I try to clench up so he can't get inside but I feel his head penetrate me. Fuck I was wet from earlier when I thought this was all no big deal. Fuck!!!! He pushes further inside me. Ow fuck!! I feel his groin against my ass. He must be all the way inside. He stops and keeps himself inside me. He's big but not terrible. Jesus how do I get out of this? Am I being raped? I am. I'm being raped. This is what rape is like. It's surreal. I'm being raped. No, this is not happening. This is not happening! Oh my god I'm being raped. I need to get out of here. He holds me tight and starts thrusting lightly. I'm being raped. Please stop. Please! I'm crying now. I'm scared to death. He whispers to me 'It's ok I wont hurt you.' You're hurting me already, I think. Again I try to reach for something but can't grab anything. He straightens me upright, his arms still around me. I'm on my tip toes, oh yeah he's a lot taller than me. He lifts me up more and my feet barely touch the ground at all. He's thrusting in me now. I feel like a rag doll. Oh my god, I'm being raped. Please! No!! Stop!! I'm yelling now. Someone has to hear me. There's no one else in the theater, remember? Fuck! Someone has to come in. There were a couple people in the shop, they'll probably come in, right? The manager. I yell. I try to tense up my body as much as I can and clench my pussy closed but it's no use. He keeps thrusting. I can tell I'm still wet. Why am I wet?? I'm getting raped!!!! What the fuck?? I cry some more because my body isn't shutting down, my pussy is getting wet. His fucking breathing. I'm getting raped. Oh my god. This is not happening! I try one more time and try to swing my body as violently as possible but with his arms around me and my feet barely touching the floor it doesn't do anything. I realize the guy who was next to me has his hand on my clit. What the fuck are you doing??? Wait, there was another guy back here. Where is he? Did he go get help? He has to see what's happening. I'm getting raped. Oh my god. I've stopped crying and i realize I've stopped fighting back. This has to be over soon. Oh my god what if he cums inside me? I'm on birth control. But that's not 100%. What if he has an STD?? Oh my fucking god!!! My feet are touching the floor again. Is he done? I didn't feel him cum. Please let this be over. He pulls me down as he goes down too. He lays me on the floor on my stomach. Oh my god this is disgusting. There is old cum on here! He goes back inside me as I lay there. He flips me over. I try to jump up but he's back on top of me and his forearms are holding down my arms. He takes one arm away so he can put himself back inside. I have to hit him. Claw his face! What if that makes him mad and he hits me? He's back inside me now and his body is on top of mine. He has me wrapped up. The black guy is still here. He kneels down next to me. What the fuck his he going to do? Fucking piece of shit! He takes my hand and stretches it out and I feel him put it on his cock. Oh my god it's huge. I can't let him rape me with that. He'll literally tear me up. I start crying again. I pull my hand back but he takes it again and puts it back on his cock and holds it there, guides my hand on it. I give up and keep it there. He's still fucking me. How long has this been going on? Will he just fucking finish!!!! His thrusts are slower, more methodical. Oh my god what was that? I cannot be getting aroused!!! What the fuck!!!! Oh my god I am. What the fuck is wrong with you??? Stop it!! Do not cum!! Fuck it's too late. I'm cumming. Oh my god! Oh god! I'm crying again. Please don't let him have noticed that I had an orgasm. How the fuck long does it take for him to cum?? Fuck he's trying not to. Oh my god how long is this going to last. Oh my god I'm getting raped. Why are you still holding his cock? I can't let him rape me, he's way too big. Oh my god. I have to get out of here when this guy is done. I have to run. Where's my dress? Where's my bag?? This guy kind of smells like dad. What the fuck?? Oh god I can't tell dad about this. He'll want to kill this guy. He smells like dad. What if I get pregnant? What will he think. Please don't cum inside me. Please! I can't believe I'm asking my rapist to be fucking considerate and not cum inside me! Fuck!!! I focus on my dad. I feel my body relax a little and untense. I realize my legs have opened more. What the fuck?? Oh my god I'm going to cum again. I can't hold it back. I'm crying as I feel it build in me. I realize my hips are raising reflexively to meet his thrusts. I realize I'm jerking the guy's huge cock fast and hard now. I close my eyes and resign to my orgasm. I know he noticed that one. They both did. What the fuck is wrong with me? Wait, he's tensing up and he's thrusting harder. Please let this be over. I tell him again please don't cum inside me. I hear him make short grunts. He's cumming. He's still inside me! He pulls out and I feel strings of cum hit my stomach and breasts. As soon as you let me up I'm going to run and get help asshole! He stands up and quickly pulls up his pants. But instead of going out through the shop he goes out an emergency exit in the theater. Fuck!!!! I realize the hand that was on the other guy's dick is wet. Oh my god he must have cum when I climaxed. He's gone too. Oh my god. Is it over? I'm crying again. I'm still lying there and crying. I have to get up and get out of here. No, I have to tell someone. Have them call the police. I can't deal with that right now, I just need to get out of here. I force myself to get up. Fuck, where's my dress??! I can't see it. Did they take it? Fuck!!! There's my bag. Where's my dress???! The third guy comes up to me. He was here! He was watching? I feel like I'm outside of my body, like time is not moving. I want to scream at him, hit him but I just want to find my dress so I can get out of here. He walks up to me with some paper towels. He starts wiping my body off. I start to cry again but then force myself to stop. I freeze. Then I realize he's fondling my breasts as he's wiping me. I'm too numb to even be angry. I brush his hands away and say I need to find my dress. He starts looking for it with me. I don't know if he's really trying to help or if he just wants to keep seeing me naked. I don't care. Where the fuck is my dress!!! Oh my god here it is. I put it on. It feels so good to have my body covered. I need to go tell someone. No I just need to go home right now. I start to head out the emergency exit and begin to panic. What if he's still here? I force myself through the door and I feel myself panic more. I rush to my car and get in and lock the doors. I begin to shake uncontrollably and sob for I don't know how long, then I drive home. I get home and puke and then get into the tub and take a bath as hot as I can stand it. I stay in there for two hours. Shaking, crying, numb, repeat. I need to eat. No I just want to sleep. I can't sleep. I take two shots of vodka and then take an ambien and go to bed. I sleep for 12 hours.
The next day I went to a clinic and got tested for STDs. I paid extra for a rapid test. I was panicking the whole time while I waited for the results. They came back all negative. I had to read it five times before I could relax a little. I took another one a week later. All negative. I took off a week from work and slept, cried and took scalding hot baths. I told my friends I was sick, don't worry about it. I was sure I brought on my rape, I allowed it to happen. I had orgasms! I hated myself and how stupid I was. It took me months to begin to forgive myself- not the rapist, myself! I got back into therapy and told my therapist everything. I thought he would shame me but he was so great. He helped to put me back together again. Now I know that no matter what, I did not cause my rape. I acted stupidly and put myself in harm's way, but I did not cause my rape to happen. I did not want it. I did not like it. I am in a much better place now. I was raped but I survived. And I will thrive in spite of it.
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