He was my first, but after I gave him my virginity, I met another boy at a party. I was drunk underage, and he invited me back to one of the bedrooms, where we had sex. I don’t remember his name, and I never saw him again, but when my daughter was born, I could see it in her eyes. Literally, she had the slightest flecks of green in her brown irises, and I remember her father’s eyes. Even through the drunken haze. Her real father, on top of me. He looked me right in the eyes, and it was so intimate. The exact same emerald green, while my husband’s are blue. Mine are brown of course, but the green had to come from somewhere, and for the next 10 years, I had that nagging fear in the back of my mind. How would he feel, knowing that I cheated on him? Lied to him, and made him raise another man’s child as his own? Would he love her any less? Would she feel bad, if she ever found out? I
don’t know, but living the lie excited me, too. Knowing that I got away with it, and I could do it again if I wanted to. I never cheated on him again. As many chances as I got, I felt too guilty to go through with it, but I’ve had plenty of offers. I was young, only 17 when I got pregnant, and barely 18 when I had her. Now, I’m pushing 30, and I have had 2 sons with him. I bounced back from every one, but only with hard work. Diet, and exercise, but I always loved to run. Even when it became part of my routine, I just love to get out of the house. Rain or shine, it feels freeing, and somehow all my cares go away
until I’m reminded of them. I have children to worry about, their grades, and saving up for their futures. (Not to mention the recurring nightmare of my husband finding out, feeling betrayed, and leaving me for lying to him.) This morning, it was just beginning to feel like fall. The leaves
still on the trees, but starting to change. Adding beautiful yellows, oranges, and reds to the green canopy overhead. It’s a risk, taking the back trails, especially so early in the morning. When it was hot, during the summer I could push myself harder, and run longer without overheating, but now? I suppose I’m just stuck in a routine, so after getting back. Seeing my family off to work, and school respectively, I took a bath, and dried off. Watched my shows, knocked out all my chores, and
checked the weather again before the busses started driving by to drop the children off.
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